sunday, nov 19, 2000
monkey brain controls distant robot movement
experiment could form basis of brain-interface machines
"brain signals from a monkey in a laboratory in north carolina have been used to control the movement of a robot arm over the internet at a university 600 miles away, American scientists said."
scientists anticipate building global monkey brain controlled distant robot arm movement (MBC-DRAM) networks in their quest for world domination.
posted by quonsar at 9:38 pm
redesign the candidates
i like to yank down on their noses
posted by quonsar at 8:11 pm
he wants a pearl necklace
he got a velcro fly?
posted by quonsar at 4:23 pm
one odd girl
seventeen, stupid, and sexually active
the scary part is they're breeding.
posted by quonsar at 2:59 pm
600-pound golf ball missing
apb news perpetrating peurile pratfallen puns in perpetuity
about par for the course, though it may leave you in the rough.
posted by quonsar at 2:24 pm
hank the angry drunken dwarf
and his dumb ass, commercial web site
"i'm not a midget, i'm a dwarf you asshole"
and that's one of his best ten on-air quotes.
posted by quonsar at 1:30 pm
when sacred cows collide
jesus is coming, but can he get there before the revenuers?
organized religion and the internal revenue service are about to clash. may they kill each other off.
posted by quonsar at 11:24 am
paper bag head boy
looking for the magic eggnog
and communing with orange jesus. i think the bag is not sufficiently ventilated...
posted by quonsar at 9:49 am
republicans accuse floor manager of eating chad
but was it dimpled or pregnant?
posted by quonsar at 2:14 am
the windenburg disaster
posted by quonsar at 1:46 am
jacob moore = |4x minux lemonade in paradise!|
shrug. beats me.
posted by quonsar at 1:23 am
bangable? (or not)
another from the 'scale of one to ten' genre
toss this on the heap with the rest.
posted by quonsar at 1:04 am
saturday, nov 18, 2000
get a grip on your eyeballs
don't blink
contributed by wicked pissah at 10:15 pm
only a jackass would buy something here...
SOLD! by rixport at 10:10 pm
o.j. desperate for money
cheesy attempt to cash in on notoriety
posted by mark furman at 9:08 pm
women driving a tank over a hard drive
for private use only
posted by quonsar at 9:04 pm
meet weird people from michigan and new hampshire.
may he slay many ducks
posted by quonsar at 8:39 pm
axe marks the spot
stuffed dog torture streaming video
decapitated by rixport at 8:31 pm
meet hamburger harry
international hamburger hall of fame
we interrupt this website with an important message for mr. nopsblegobbin: this could be you.
ordered to go by rixport at 8:09 pm
3d underwear simulator
change your virtual underwear
actually a site designed to sell batteries (and underwear featuring that pink rabbit with the bass drum).
posted by quonsar at 7:06 pm
god hates america
america is filthy as sodom, laden with sin
as offensive as god hates fags, and brought to you by the same wonderful bunch of lobotomy survivors. without a doubt, god hates baptists was inevitable. and god hates people like reverend stang and trent lott, a lot.
posted by quonsar at 12:20 am
friday, nov 17, 2000
first church of tiger woods
celebrating the emergence of the "true" messiah
"dedicated to examining the possibility that God is walking the earth as a 21st century, multi-ethnic, superstar golfer."
posted by quonsar at 11:04 pm
pagan panties
let your partner worship the goddess in you every night
posted by quonsar at 10:40 pm
skunk with jar stuck on head: cops stink
officers get run-around from stinky rodent
posted by quonsar at 9:10 pm
what hath monica wrought?
everybodys getting blown but bill
yahoo reports fla. judge gives big blow to gore camp, while salon tells us about a double blow for bush.
posted by quonsar at 8:16 pm
the new itchy and scratchy?
woob woob woob nyuk nyuk nyuk
the image is cnn's, and actually appeared on their front page earlier today. via metafilter.
posted by quonsar at 7:27 pm
thursday, nov 16, 2000
punished by god!
deformed spawn of the sinful
"this month, we explore manifestations of the lord's wrath that span across multiple generations of sinful bloodlines..."
confessed by rixport at 10:43 pm
cocky bastard
learning to love yourself increases your capacity to love others.
of course, then you run the risk of being called a cocky bastard.
contributed by rixport at 10:30 pm
blessed arrows
a sterilization reversal ministry
gee, a free gift and all...
posted by quonsar at 10:19 pm
little fly
don't press the button. really.
swatted by quonsar at 9:59 pm
panda cam
actual naked pandas live on your screen
posted by quonsar at 9:49 pm
the second coming project
cloning jesus to save the world
"time is short! we must have a fertilized jesus zygote no later than april of 2001 if baby jesus is to come to term on the predicted date."
posted by quonsar at 9:02 pm
fbi violent crime files
released under freedom of information act
fascinating browsing, even with large portions redacted.
exposed by shelldrake at 8:47 pm
betty bowers' christian crackwhore ministry
compassionate conservatism for crackwhores
"bringing the message to local harlots by showing them that if they are going to be on their knees 14-25 times a day, why not pray while they're down there?"
blessed by quonsar at 7:44 pm
a new microwave!
don't watch the food cook!
we apologize for the gratuitous tubes reference. those responsible have been sacked. talk to ya later.
posted by quonsar at 7:31 pm
the porn, the pot and the principal
lowering the bar for american education
detectives seized his computer last week, county investigators searched his office and discovered marijuana and a pipe used for smoking.
posted by quonsar at 7:25 pm
wednesday, nov 15, 2000
fun with foil
dress up the thanksgiving turkey
contributed by shelldrake at 9:53 pm
jfk assassination cam
the only live view available in the world from the sniper's perch.
"an exclusive view from the sixth floor window of the former texas school book depository in dallas, texas."
freakin' cheesy...
posted by quonsar at 9:43 pm
david: alien from the planet blizwick
a very friendly alien
"the odds are quite good that I won't turn into a giant lizard and bite you."
posted by quonsar at 9:24 pm
mom charged with abuse blames baby
claims 'telepathic' 2-month-old told her to do it
"her daughter, communicating through extrasensory perception, claimed that she had to be sacrificed in order to bring about the second coming of jesus christ"
posted by quonsar at 9:12 pm
the smart choice for your future
cough! sputter! cough! say what?!?!?!?
posted by quonsar at 6:00 pm
tuesday, nov 14, 2000
the biggest ball store on earth
"the best ball is the one you personalize"
bounced by quonsar at 10:29 pm
electoral college sportswear & accessories
america's original party school now has its own sportswear
"other schools may have better sports teams, but historic electoral college(tm) has the name, the reputation, and the style"
posted by quonsar at 9:58 pm
no reentry westbound
posted by quonsar at 9:20 pm
duct tape cam
pan to the left, pan to the right
the most exciting site on the web.
dredged by shelldrake at 9:13 pm
whiteout at
no news is good news?
starting around 1pm est, was serving empty pages for around 15 minutes. wtf?
posted by quonsar at 1:28 pm
am i president or not
on a scale of one to ten
following the fine traditions of am i hot or not and monkey hot or not...
posted by quonsar at 1:05 pm
final thoughts
spam your friends after you die
i'm intrigued by the final thoughts site... but they limit the concept. i'm thinking more along the lines of say, youbastards.comŽ, a site that would allow you to keep a secure, online diary of every little slight and grievance you have against your boss/coworkers/neighbors, etc. just trigger the email after you quit/get fired/move away...
posted by quonsar at 12:57 pm
the kama sutra of pooh
oh bother, said pooh as he hid piglet's mangled corpse
after dark in the hundred acre wood.
posted by quonsar at 12:43 pm
monday, nov 13, 2000
hookers, strippers and company
women doing stuff with sharp things
this "nineteen member group" publically "demonstrated its art..." foul. pernicious.
snagged by shelldrake at 10:36 pm
usability or confusability? gets a new user interface
amazon is on my shitlist for the patent actions, but this is funny...
posted by quonsar at 10:19 pm
what's the weather on mars?
cloudy, low -102, high -82
get a load of that weathergirl...
posted by quonsar at 10:14 pm
cliffyb's cat scan
don't send pictures of your cat.
"yes, i'm sure your cat is lovely, but jesus - the site says 'cat scan.' Not 'cat picture scan.'"
slam fluffy on the trusty old hp and scan away.
posted by quonsar at 8:13 pm
cat v. 7.0: completely autonomous tester
user installation and maintenance documentation
"upon receiving the cat unit, the user should examine the unit to verify that all i/o channels are operational. look for minor bugs in or on the system. the user may manually remove any bugs."
posted by quonsar at 8:05 pm
live nude cats
want it live? want them nude?
it's all here...whisker to tail, foul breathed pussy cat action. i've notified stop kitty porn, of course.
posted by quonsar at 7:44 pm
i gave my cat an enema
then i made a web page about it
"from 1985 until 1995, I had a tabby cat named fred. he was cranky and mean and didn't like anyone but me."
posted by quonsar at 7:34 pm
man dies in fall from tree stand
that's no way to kill a buck
a moment of silence and a big hunter dan salute to this years first casualty.
posted by quonsar at 8:46 am