quonsar at 10:32 pm
"Interstellar Donkey, in conjunction with: The National Organization for Women, The California State Schools Curriculum Association and Americans Ashamed to be Called Americans Present another 'Pamphlets for the New Millennium; Re-educating America's Children for a Better Way'"
quonsar at 8:45 pm
quonsar at 8:31 pm
quonsar at 7:38 pm
"When was the last time your class saw how "HOT" God's Word is? Open this authentic looking "bible" and begin to share the scripture for the day as real flames are seen coming from your "bible". This full size book comes with a battery operated ignition system. All you supply are the batteries, lighter fluid and composure as your class gets excited."
quonsar at 3:33 pm
A web site devoted to giving teenagers the facts about life
"Parents note: We are not medically trained or qualified experts, but we like talking dirty to kids. Make no mistake you can't touch us for it, we are saving their lives see, it is learning. Not only that, but our open and relaxed attitude to drugs and sex allows us to bond especially well with teenagers and gives up the frequent opportunity to have sex with young girls behind the the youth club at end of term discos. Hey, come on, they want it."
quonsar at 11:28 am
teenage dope fiends!
"listen to the sound of love. feel purple. taste green. touch the scream that crawls up the wall."
because love sounds just like a really crap midi of 'me and my monkey'.
madamjujujive at 11:01 am
british lawnmower museum
"The Museum workshops, not only restores machines for our collection, but also vintage garden machinery for closet lawnmower enthusiasts from all over the country."
closet lawnmower enthusiasts. shudder. "you there! stand away from that horse!"
madamjujujive at 9:34 am
"IT'S GREAT FUN!-JOIN TODAY!-WE'RE WAITING FOR YOU!-JOIN TODAY-JOIN TODAY! Show your support for the best organization of antique typewriter collectors in the world."
it must be the alan parsons midi that puts these guys a shift-lock above the other antique typewriter collector sites.
quonsar at 9:03 am
"If you need info about any other office supply, visit the Typewriter Exchange."
quonsar at 8:57 am
like intermission at a christian deathmetal concert?
quonsar at 8:51 am
"We’re or for the good, or for the evil. If we claim to be neutral, we effectively put the evil on the same plan as the good &, in consequence, we’re abolishing the absolute difference between good & evil. We’re doing a work of moral confusion more serious than if we’re cynically & openly opposed to the good."
dude, stfu. now.
quonsar at 8:32 am
"Buy 1 Fetal Pig, Get 1 FREE! Buy any preserved fetal pig listed below and we'll send you a FREE preserved fetal pig of the same catalog number. FREE plastic bags are furnished with each fetal pig."
quonsar at 10:31 pm
we told you earlier about farting doughboy. now, we have to follow on with wile e. coyote doughboy and of course the exorcist doughboy.
quonsar at 10:12 pm
elf panties (.com)
"Welcome to ElfPanties.Com, the only one-stop shop on the web for magically worn panties at human prices. Why elf panties? Sure, you could procure a pair of human panties, but that is so totally five minutes ago. Hello? Plus, then you'd be just like every other Joe Schmoe on eBay."
madamjujujive at 11:18 pm
"Ten years ago Springer acted like Oprah, Tom Green wasn't part of the scene and traditional freak shows had disappeared. Pop culture was untattooed and grungy. This all changed when Jim Rose stole the buzz on the 1992 Lollapalooza tour sending shock waves around the world. He created a new category for entertainment and became our first beloved jackass."
madamjujujive at 10:22 pm
"Today's 13-city Terrorist Threat Index: NEWARK - Low. Interviews with Camp X-Ray detainees reveal that most Al Qaeda members believe that someone has already attacked Newark..."
quonsar at 9:58 pm
stop cow molestation
"Among virtually all species of animals other than bovines, the daily routine of fondling breasts is not permitted or accepted in any way. In fact, among our own species it is often considered illegal."
madamjujujive at 7:34 pm
Uzi Submachine Gun, Ammunition, Food, and Beverages Provided Free
"This sounds too good to be true. What is the catch? There is no catch. It is true! And, you will be so pleasantly surprised with how courteous everyone treats you, how much you learn, the extreme professionalism and competence your instructors demonstrate, and the quality of the resort style facility we are building, that you will tell everyone you know about Front Sight and make plans to return year after year."
madamjujujive at 7:19 pm
"Just one capsule of GERIATRIZINE daily can provide the advanced aging you need to buy alcohol, drive heavy machinery, obtain reasonable insurance rates, and senior-citizen discounts!"
quonsar at 6:56 pm
i dream, on a recurring basis, infinite oddities which relax or, more often, frighten me.
quonsar at 5:08 pm
"The amazing (but true!) journey of a can of S & W® brand black beans as they make their way across this great land of ours, and to other nations! As the beans travel throughout America and the rest of the world, they pick up new experiences, new knowledge, and tons of new friends. But beyond that, they show the world that there is a common link between us all, even if it is a 15 ounce can of frijoles -- and a sense of humor."
quonsar at 4:55 pm
your appointment with destiny
thank you for calling jesus. we don't have additional information at this time. please stay on the line. more information will be coming just as soon as the next jesus service representative is available.
quonsar at 4:47 pm
delivering little 'bundles of love' in a box, direct to your door
"Forget about flowers. Send a real live present that shows how much you love someone. Everyone loves kittens! A grieving widow can be consoled by a new puppy in her life! For the man who has everything, what about a white rhino for the living room? Or a miniature Pekinese fighting bitch? If it's got a central nervous system, we've got it ready to go in a box to your house."
quonsar at 4:35 pm
national hollerin' contest
June 15 in Spivey's Corner!
"In many ways, hollers were essential in rural communities; they notified others within hearing range of imminent danger or brought assistance to otherwise isolated farmers when needed. In the past, locals say, hollers have helped locate lost children, saved drowning men, and even ended house fires."
find out more about this year's contest or if you just can't attend, check out this sample video of a previous participant.
madamjujujive at 9:33 pm
"Taliban Director of Truck Bomb Operations, Abdul Kook Al-Whacko reported that there is currently no operation underway to destroy bridges on the American West Coast, as has been reported by the American Media. "It's all a mistake" Al-Whacko said "I was coming out of my cave this morning, talking to my dentist on my cell phone, saying that we had to take a bridge out, because my mouth is killing me". "Some damn reporter was hanging out in the bushes, and must have overheard me" he said."
quonsar at 8:47 pm
"phasing out the human race by voluntarily ceasing to breed will allow Earth's biosphere to return to good health. Crowded conditions and resource shortages will improve as we become less dense."
madamjujujive at 5:45 pm
HOLBROOK, ARIZONA *OLD ROUTE 66*
"A man by the name of Frank Redford already had a couple of Wigwam Villages built in Kentucky by that time. Our father decided that he would like to build a Wigwam Village of his own. Mr. Redford was more interested in sharing his novel idea than making money. Mr. Lewis and Mr. Redford came to an agreement that radios would be placed in each Wigwam that would play for one half hour for a silver dime. Mr. Redford would then receive the dimes from the radios for a period of some years in payment for the use of his plans."
madamjujujive at 11:41 am
finger licking good!
"Arnie the duck is famous for his fabulous treacle tart. But he finds himself in a bit of a pickle when Georgie Porgie and the bad biker boys come riding into Old Macdonald's drive-in..."
quonsar at 11:29 am